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God's Gag Gift
Everyone says, "I know that guy" when they hear this song, so I must have done something right. Truth is, I made him up (it wasn't too hard, mind you).
Lyrics:
There goes my hero
He's walking with a girl I
Used to think that I could live with
Now I'm learning how to live with-
Out, I'm taking careful notes
Trying to learn his patent-pending
Secret of seduction, could it
Just be natural selection?
He's god's gag gift to women and they want him, and he's
God's gag gift, he's strutting it around like he's
God's gag gift, and. . . one day I'm going to get what's coming to him
His middle name is danger, adventure follows him like
He's a Texas Ranger, have you seen the size of his prodigious
Genuine tattoo of Gargamel he got while stoned in Tiju-
Ana by the toughest dwarf in that whole country, he's the toughest
One day she's sure her mom will grow to love him
Like the way she does if she would
Only take the time to get to know his secret
Delicate compassion he has
Hidden just below his rough exterior, she'll
Expose it when she finds the proper
Combination to his buttons, that response can be
Pavlovially conditioned
There goes my hero, he's driving with another
Girl I think I'd like to do the Sunday New York crossword with
I'd better take the time to learn his Oscar-winning method of romance ...
... without the romance
