All Of The Above

I've never been stung by a bee^[1]
Never had a skunk turn tail and threaten me
But I would go to the woods with you

If we startle a moose
I'll feed him chocolate brownies while
You negotitate the truce
We'll be kings of the woods,
Me and you

If this is a dream, where are the spiders,
If this is a joke, where is the snail^[2]?
If this is a test, I'll take choice D,
'All of the above' 'cause it rhymes with us

I've never had rock star hair
The kind that flops into my eyes
Like the guy's from the Old '97s^[3]
But I'd still rock with you

When we select our song
I'll sing the lead, and you can take the harmony
Until we switch from the verse to the chorus
You'll take the weather with you^[4]

If this is a joke, then where's the drummer?
If this is a dream, then what happened to Jewel^[5]?
If this is a test, I'll take choice D
'All of the above' 'cause it rhymes with us

I've never had much faith
I never believe it when the Holy Virgin shows her
Face on a slice of toast^[6] or an underpass^[7]
Somewhere in the heart of Peru

Now that I've met you,
I believe in spontaneous combustion
Just 'cause I can't explain it
Doesn't mean it's not true
I have faith in you

If this was a joke, where's the rabbi^[8]?
If this was a dream, where's John Paul II?
If this was a test, I'll take choice D
'All of the above' 'cause it rhymes with us

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1. True at the time of writing, but only for a little while. ↩︎

2. I enjoyed Michael Smith's snail bits so much in his live shows, I've coopted them. ↩︎

3. Ah, Rhett Miller. So dreamy.
   ↩︎

4. How many nights did we fall asleep to Crowded House's greatest hits?? WWY was one of the first tracks, luckily. ↩︎

5. Since this song was written, apparently a private and difficult, but thoughtful and tender uncoupling with Professional Bull Riding league founder Ty Murray. ↩︎

6. This one fetched $28,000. ↩︎

7. Or a burrito. ↩︎

8. Followed by the minister and the priest, naturally. ↩︎