March 28, 2015 · DADFAD R-rated Brian Setzer George Michael bowling merlot 2000s

Good In Bed

Ball point pen on the pillow, notebook on the sheets
I've been writing letters to grandma for three straight weeks
Grandma, how's the garden growing, how's the Milton Berle?
I've been trying Kathy's plan out, but there's still no girl

The last time Kathy came over, she ate her pizza cold
She said, "it's over sweetie," so we went out and bowled
She rolled a strike
I missed my spare
She said, "don't worry, darling, one day you'll get there"

One day, you'll know exactly what to do
One day, the girl will want to stay
One day, you're going to be good. In. Bed.

A dozen former Stray Cats[1], from the foot to the door
They purr on the comforter but they don't comfort me any more
It's not that I'm allergic, even though I am
It's a sound that Kathy never made when we listened to Wham!

One day, I'll know exactly what to do
One day, the girl will want to stay
One day, I'm going to be good. In. Bed.

Kathy said, "A gentleman would never tell"
But I've been good in bed for three straight weeks[2]
Kathy said, "A gentleman would never ring
his own bell", but I've been good, so good, so
Good.

If you see Kathy, tell her that I say "hello"
Thanks for the good advice, the '94 Merlot
Tell her I'm so much better, tell her I'm great
But be discreet about it, don't exaggerate

One day, I'll know exactly what to do
One day, the girl will want to stay
One day, I'm going to be good. In. Bed.


  1. Brian Setzer. So goshdarned cuddly. ↩︎

  2. This song, apparently, is the opposite of R&B's Skills song. Just as PG-13, thankfully. ↩︎