March 31, 2015 · toyota hybrid prius harry potter hitachi magic wand cars

So Soap-operatic

I'm nervous about the Prius I just rented here in Texas
I'm anxious about the looks I'm getting from the local cowgirls
Dallas doesn't have an eco-friendly reputation
So I'm counting on these snakeskin boots to make a good impression

Mostly when I travel I act like an honor student
You could find more trouble if you woke up in a convent [1]
But lately things at home have gotten so soap operatic
My brain is making choices that might turn melodramatic

Ooh, I've been looking at you, thinking about
The things my evil twin might do if he got a chance to sink his spurs
Into an El Camino that gets seven miles per gallon HIGHWAY
On the road that leads to you

Now, the Prius has an engine that is unlike any other
The perfect, quiet vehicle [2] for sneaking home a lover
As long as you don't ask it for some quick acceleration
When the lover's other shows up with a gun for satisfaction

It's been years since I attempted flirting with a stranger
It's been hard enough to deal with parenting a toddler
Wands at home historically were holly phoenix feather [3]
But the last one in the mailbox had a two horsepower motor [4]

There are things you might assume about a man who drives a hybrid
You can bet the ranch that most of them would be inaccurate
I, for one, would never get my hair cut by a stylist
And a hybrid tells you nothing about the length of a man's.... mortgage


  1. Especially if Sister Mary Catherine is there for the summer. ↩︎

  2. According to the Internet, they had to put external speakers that played fake engine noises to protect the children of America from hybrid automobiles. ↩︎

  3. Both Harry Potter and Voldemort had one. ↩︎

  4. probably a Hitachi ↩︎