March 31, 2015 · 2010s scotland castle shakespeare melville moby dick x-files

The Ballad of Haggis McMuffin

Haggis McMuffin[1] loves his whiskey in the morning
More than a squirrel loves its nuts
I like the sweet potato fries at Lucky Platter [2]
But I love you more

There's a castle on the hill
There's a spaceship in the sky
Take my hand before the king of fools declares the end,
the end is nigh [3]

Romeo and what's-her-face were briefly lovers
Ahab and Moby had a thing [4]
Mulder and Scully have been valentines for ages
You and I longer still

There's a castle on the hill
There's a spaceship in the sky
Take my hand before the king of fools declares the end,
the end is nigh

I will love you always even when there are no zip codes
Or wi-fi[5] on demand

There's a spaceship on the hill
There's a castle in the sky
Take my hand before the king of fools declares the end,
the end is nigh


  1. The single most Scottish name I could come up with. ↩︎

  2. One of our favorite spots to eat in Evanston ↩︎

  3. It was right around here in the writing process that the bagpiper showed up, avec drummer. ↩︎

  4. Jeff Vezain's stunningly brilliant line - see https://www.gutenberg.org/files/2701/2701-h/2701-h.htm if you disagree. ↩︎

  5. In 2011 when this song was written, this still counted as a big deal. ↩︎